Day 28

So, I’ve started a blog. I’ve been blessed with a lift of the chemo fog over the past 24 hours or so and I’ve been itching for an outlet for my new found energy. For weeks I’ve been unable to focus long enough to enjoy a TV show – never mind pursue anything resembling productive human activity. As an added bonus several of the drugs I’m currently taking are powerful amnesiacs and there are large swaths of time I simply can’t recall since my treatment began. I’ve found with Leukemia my situation can change very quickly and if I find myself mentally or physically hobbled, some record of the good days might be nice to have around.

With any luck this will also provide a little insight into my new life for those close to me. Before I was diagnosed I considered myself a private person in my day-to-day life, almost a month into treatment I’m not sure thats changed all that much. I find it difficult to  communicate a lot of what I experience and feel to those outside my immediate family (who is here with me every single day) and I don’t want that to eventually translate into distance between myself and my friends. One of the only things which is certain about the future of my disease and recovery is that it will be a very long road, the earlier I can learn to adjust the better.

Mostly though I’ve just been locked on the Hematology/Oncology (HEMONC) unit for 28 days. It’s profoundly (understandably) sheltered from the outside world and with my fatigue and lack of focus it’s easy to feel like I’ve fallen off the edge of the earth somewhere. I’m just psyched to be able to string a few sentences together right now. I’ve managed to settle into a fairly comfortable routine and on some level that bothers me. For one there’s a catheter hanging out of my jugular with 3 IV lines to deliver meds and draw blood. For some reason this no longer bothers me all that much. It looks exactly how it sounds too, there’s just a hole in my neck.

It’s these kinds of things that are just hard to bring up in passing conversation – yet this is pretty much what my days consist of at this point. We’ll see if this is the healthy way to get it all out. I had what I thought was a really fun rant on male nurses but I lost it somewhere around last night before I could write it down. Some things haven’t changed all that much.

Thanks to everyone who’s been there to support me and my family through this so far. It’s hard to respond appropriately to everyone though that doesn’t mean it’s not appreciated. One of the upsides of this whole experience has been the incredible outpouring or support from friends and family, not a day goes by when I’m not reminded of how lucky I really am. It may sound odd but you really have to experience it for yourself (don’t though).

– Austin

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