I try not to sound like a broken record in these posts but I fear I may be failing in that endeavor. My back pain is clearing up by leaps and bounds on it’s own without anything approaching a reasonable explanation as to what it was or why it’s getting better. Fine, whatever – I’m always going to blame it on the whole spine / needle ‘thing’ but that’s just me. I spent three days getting progressively angrier at one of my attending’s for bringing up a potential diagnosis for my headache (which can now safely be classified as “debilitating”) that I was convinced was simply impossible. It would seem now she could be right (could) and I all I have to say is this is just more proof I am, in fact, not a doctor. I’m OK with that.

When I spiked a low grade fever the other day the knee jerk reaction was to flood my system with antibiotics – a typical move and probably not an unwise one given the danger an infection poses to my health at this point in my treatment. Today my doctors discontinued the antibiotics, in one doctor’s words “to see if you get an infection or temperature again.” Not my favorite way to play trial-and-error but I suppose it will do. My temperatures over the course of today have been

  1. 97.2°
  2. 98.0°
  3. 98.5°
  4. 99.8°

Soooo, #@%! Another temp would mean at least another 2-day delay and I could have a dangerous infection to boot. At this point I’ve become so profoundly damaged all on my own and in just a matter of days – I think my doctors are becoming apprehensive about treating me until i’m fully healthy for fear the chemotherapy might somehow destroy my fragile body. Or maybe that’s just evidence of how dramatic I am lately… more than usual anyway. I’m just tired of feeling like I’m prolonging the amount of time this is going to take since I take great comfort from having the future planned out and knowing I have milestones to hit on a certain date. so far I have yet to hit one deadline within even a few days of when was planned so maybe at some point I’ll learn to relax. Until then sarcasm is working pretty well for me.

“Don’t ask me man, I’m just a working girl – just doing what I’m told”

– Aus

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  1. February 10th, 2015
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